Songs for the Sick

If people were just honest with eachother we could save us all a lot of misery.
I didn't know where he was on Friday, who he was with or what he was doing but I thought only the worst.
My idea of THE WORST at that moment in time was the porn video that was repeating itself inside my brain.  Him with her, or maybe with that other girl, or maybe with them both, or maybe even with HIM.
I always thought I was quite clued up sexually until I moved to London.  But I quickly became convinced that everyone in London was having ragin orgies every weekend.  I don't think I was far wrong.
So yes, I was expecting the worse when I walked into that house at 3am. "Where's D"?  *guilty looks from his friends*  "He left I think" said one stoner, "Nah he's upstairs" said a sly looking blonde. 
I walked upstairs and was immediately drawn to the door with the big golden knob handle (wonder why?).
Slowly opening the door, awaiting visions of naked women everywhere and seedy looking men with video cameras....but instead I saw HER...that beautiful girl who Id been quite taken with at the party the week before, she was cool and witty and clever and i'd spent a few hours talking shite with her.  She was so beautiful. I wasn't surprised at all he'd picked HER.  But then beside her was a guy with long blonde hair, beside him a shaved head bloke, and next to him D.  And to my surprise they weren't having an orgy.....but were burning nasty brown looking stuff on a piece of tinfoil and inhaling it.  What a relief.  They were just doing drugs.  What kind of drug was this?  I'd never seen this done before.  I'd only really done pills, and snorted a line of coke maybe once, but coke was expensive.  I figured this was some new drug that was out.  What was it?........................................HEROIN.  Oh.  I see.

I am lying in Green Park in the sweltering heat.  I am hoping the sun will frazzle what's left of my brain for it is making up thoughts that are incomprehensible to me right now.  Why would he be doing heroin?  Does he think its cool?  Is he trying too hard to fit in?  How long has he been doing it?  Why did I not know about it?  Am I THAT dumb? Do I make him THAT miserable?  I can't comprehend.  Is this the end, my beautiful friend?  I seriously think I would happier alone.  This drama is becoming a chore.